Deeper Than I Thought
by shadowycorner
Summary: I thought I needed to change myself. And then he came, making me realize I don't need a change at all, even though he was the main reason I hated myself. And now I'm deeper in it than I ever thought I could be...
1. Waiting to Change

**Deeper Than I Thought**

Waiting to Change

"Don't worry, dear, it will be back to normal," said Madam Pomfrey comfortingly, toying with the ginger beard in her hands, placing a green substance on it. It smelled horrible and made me even angrier than before. "I think you'll have to stay here, though, before it…erm, grows away." Then she straightened up, gave me one last glance and left with the bottle of the greensubstance I now had all over me. Turning on the bed, I spotted my reflection in a mirror and was surprised it didn't crack. I had a long frizzy mustache from under my nose down to my knees. I could easily give Dumbledore a run for his money. Yes, I am a girl and I have a mustache, and with no thanks to Sirius Black and his stupid friends.

Throwing myself back on the bed, I crossed my legs on and put my hands into fists. One would think they would leave me alone since I am a fellow Gryffindor in their same year, but no, I was on their exclusive list of prank targets and it wasn't easy. Perhaps it was because of my giant square glasses with thick black frames, without which I was temporarily blind. Or it could be due to my frizzy murky brown hair that stood out at odd angles in the morning. It was not thick or silky, just messed up like a bird's nest. Or it may have been due to the fact that I am clumsier than a drunken house-elf, although most of the time it could have easily been the furniture getting in my way too much. At least that's what I always told myself. To put it simply, the Marauders loved to make fun of me. They never hurt me, no; they just mortally humiliated me on regular basis in front of our entire house and school. Why? I could never tell.

As I was trying to think about it, my mind traveled back into my first days of school when I met all of them.

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. I read that somewhere, though I cannot remember where. The point is, those words remained encrypted in my memory forever. My life was boring until I got my letter and everything changed. I had hopes and dreams and Hogwarts was a place where they could be fulfilled. I dreamed of friends, love, magic and adventures on every step.

None of my dreams have been really fulfilled yet; many times it was more like a nightmare. I was pretty clueless and for some odd reason, it was hard to get people to like me. Only Lily did, but she liked everyone, no matter what was wrong with them. Except maybe James Potter. In his case, Lily's kindness could never prevail above the resentment. In second year, we made it our mission to detest the Marauders and their ways, although at times we betrayed this resolution when laughing too hard after a brilliant prank pulled on Slytherins. I had to admit that their pranks were the best ones, as long as they didn't concern me, which, unfortunately, they did many times.

As we grew upand got older, things changed, just as they always do. Lily became beautiful, smart, and, much to her displeasure, James Potter's love interest. But he was not the only one crushing after her. Many guys were. Who would not, though? She had long red hair and gorgeous emerald green eyes. But what really stood out about her was her enchanting personality. When she was around, people smiled, even if they didn't really have a reason. In addition, she would help anyone in need, even a Slytherin, unlike the rest of us sane Gryffindors. But this again may exclude James Potter since she once confessed she dreams of releasing flesh-eating forks after him. I, on the other hand, kind of scared people away. I wasn't mean or anything, just too sarcastic and cynical for my own good, I guess.

Then there were the Marauders. They weretop in all of their classes, yet still having enough free time to think up crazy and stupid ideas. They were quite popular amongst Hogwarts students, what with their good looks, sense of humor and lively attitude was not to be questioned. I admit that for a short time, I really wished I could hang out with them, but too bad. Unlike them, I was the exact opposite of the word popular. My hair never changed, I couldn't get contacts because I was allergic and I was still too clumsy. McGonagall never again asked me to hand out parchment for a test after I tripped over Potter's bag (which coincidentally found its way right under my feet), andsent the parchments flying all over the classroom. My wand fell out and accidentally made the cage with an owl in it dance, causing great havoc to last half a day since it jumped out of the classroom and threatened students' lives.

I didn't have much luck with boys either. Lily told me they were stupid not to see my true beauty, but I didn't blame them. Not even I could see my beauty, because she was hiding behind my giant spectacles. People even had a hard time remembering my name.

I was walking to a class from lunch one day with Lily when some Hufflepuff ran up to us and flashed Lily his bright smile. "Hey, Lily, I've been looking for you," he said happily, looking awed that he had found her.

Lily grinned back at him, turning a slight shade of pink – he was her first real boyfriend. "Do you need anything?"

"Well, not really. I just wondered whether you'd go for a walk after dinner tonight? I just had a great time in Hogsmeade with you and I'd like to spend some more time with you."

Smiling even more, Lily nodded. "Of course. I'd like that. Oh, this is LeAnn, by the way," Lily said, pointing at me. I tried to suppress a smile and extended my hand, but the boy merely glanced at me and looked back to Lily.

"Okay then. I'm very excited. I'll wait for you outside the Great Hall. Bye." And with that, he kissed her on the cheek and walked off, calling, "Bye Lily and, um, Lana."

So I was Lana and throughout the years I've been Lara, Laura, Lena and many others. Only James Potter called me Frizz, which I hated.

Six years have passed quickly and things like discovering ants in my bed or finding out my hair is suddenly green after coming out of the Potion's classroom where I sat right in front of Black became regular and I got so used to them, I hardly flinched when bats attacked me, and I checked my bed every night. But the Marauders never failed to come up with new ways on how to make me look like an idiot. Today, for instance, Black made me grow a mustache that kept growing and growing until it nearly strangled me and that's why I was in the Hospital Wing, staring at the ceiling, wondering why was I so invisible to people and they only saw me when I was made fun of. Maybe there was something wrong with me. I remembered that as a child I used to smell my clothes in case they were reeking badly. And I also cried a lot. Lily was always there to comfort me, but what did she understand? She was so gorgeous, intelligent and liked. I used to feel sorry for myself a lot, but I don't anymore. Now I'm just very angry with Black and Potter and Lupin and Pettigrew. I'll get back at them.

Some might say I hated them, but in reality I did not. Deep inside I admired them. They were the bravest, most loyal bunch on the school, true Gryffindors; even Pettigrew, if he really tried. I guess I was just jealous and angry at them for never giving me a chance.

Shaking my head, trying to get them out of my mind, I picked up my wand from my bedside table and closed the curtains around my bed, just in case I might frighten some first year that might wander here. Taking down my glasses and placing them on the bedside table, the world around me became an instant blur.

Falling asleep, I imagined Black getting hit by his beloved bludger. When he fell off the Gryffindor tower six times, right into the lake, where he was eaten by the giant squid, I woke up with a start, hearing strange sounds from behind my curtains. It sounded as though the walls of the Hospital Wing moved all around. Opening my eyes lazily, I sat up. I yawned and noticed that my beard had shortened a great deal since I fell asleep, yet it was still a few inches long.

Then I looked around and saw nothing but the curtains closed around my bed. A new day was dawning and small sunrays peeked through the small gaps in the curtains. Listening intently, I tried to catch every sound, but nothing or no one seemed to be there. I must've just imagined it, so I laid back on the back and shut my eyes, trying to fall back asleep.

"Ouch! Padfoot, you just stepped on my foot!" I heard a hushed voice.

"Sorry, mate, I didn't see it."

"Watch it! That was my eye your wand made contact with."

Those voices were too familiar. Anger was building up inside me. Sitting up abruptly, I took my wand from under my pillow, ready to hex them. With my other hand I found my glasses and placed them on my eyes, the edges of my surroundings becoming sharper.

Why would they be there anyway? Surely to slip some cockroaches into my hair. But this time I would be ready.

"He's here, look!" I could never mistake that smooth and annoying sound of Black's voice. But who's 'he'?

Their footsteps shuffled around until they settled a few beds away from mine.

"He looks terrible," squeaked Pettigrew, fright coming from his voice. Raising my eyebrows, I was interested in what was happing. Standing as quietly as I could, which was a great success in my case since I could never get off the bed without getting tangled in the covers and falling down on my nose, I tiptoed to the curtains and peeked through the small gap between them.

The sun was peeking over the horizon, the Hospital Wing bathed in the morning autumn glow. Turns out 'he' was Remus Lupin, lying limply on a bed, bandaged and so pale it frightened me. From what I heard, he left tonight to see his ill mother, just as he does once every month. Could he possibly have been attacked?

Black, Potter and Pettigrew were circled around his bed, concern in their eyes. They, too, looked ragged, as if after a harsh battle, for their clothes were torn at the sides and Black's arm was bleeding. What in Godric's name were they doing?

Black arched his neck to check the door for Madam Pomfrey and then glanced back at Lupin.

"Tonight was a close one," he said quietly and I had to shift a bit forward in order to hear. "He's getting stronger every full moon."

Wondering what the full moon had to do with all this, and suddenly it all dawned on me. My heart was thumping against my ribcage loudly; I was worried it would give me away. Full moon, Lupin's absences, his wounds, his pale face…he had all the symptoms and I never saw it before. Could Remus Lupin possibly be a werewolf?

I looked fearfully back at the bed where he was sleeping, as if worrying he might jump out of it and rip my throat. But nothing of that sort happened. He looked harmless and reserved as ever before; it was hard to believe this boy turns into a bloodthirsty beast every month.

"Are you alright?" Potter asked, jerking his head in the direction of Black's wound.

"Yup," he replied, screwing up his face in pain. "But it will be better like this." And then, without a warning or anything, there was no Sirius Black, but a giant shaggy dog standing there. I felt my jaw drop and heartbeatquicken. Black…was…an…animagus!

Chuckling, Potter crouched down and ruffled the fur on the dog's head. The dog then laid down and licked his wound while I gaped at him with my mouth open and eyes wide. Suddenly, a rat was running all around the dog, squeaking, and by normal circumstances I would shriek, but these were no normal circumstances. How did the rat get there?

"Not so loud, Peter," Potter said, addressing those words to the rat. But then I noticed Pettigrew was no longer standing by Lupin's bed, but…could it be? As if the scene wasn't ridiculous enough, in a blink of an eye, a magnificent stag was standing in Potter's place, prancing about. He then walked to Lupin's bed, lowered its head with big antlers and nudged Lupin's head softly with his nose. Something that would look very sweet if Black, Potter and Pettigrew weren't unregistered animagi and Lupin a werewolf!

Thoughts raced through my head so fast I hardly registered them. The Marauders were always up to something and they had many secrets, which they didn't share with anyone besides each other, but I never thought it could be something like this. My ears were buzzing, but that may have been due to the little ugly fly flying around my head. I tried to get it away by waving my hand at it, but it didn't stop bothering me.

As I watched them for a bit longer, my eyebrows furrowed, the fly kept nagging at my face, until it landed on my nose and buzzed annoyingly, and I felt a very uncomfortable tickling in my nose.

I sneezed, lunging forward. I tried to grab hold of the curtains in a last frantic attempt to save the situation, but the curtains gave away and I turned on my heel, getting tangled in them, falling to the ground with a thud. It took me a while before I could release my head and look up, seeing Black, Potter and Pettigrew towering above me, back in their human form, with their wands raised, shocked expressions on their faces.

Obviously I was in trouble. But so were they!

_If you could please review. I would really appreciate it. :)_


	2. The Hopeless Threat

**Deeper Than I Thought**

The Hopeless Threat 

I lay there in a pile of hospital curtains, surely in a grotesque manner since the curtains were wrapped around my torso like a toga. In addition, I still had that bloody beard.

"Weaving?" Black seethed, pointing his wand at me, a look of utmost horror upon his face. I felt myself going red in the cheeks, terrified of what was yet to come. Black looked ready to hex me into a dancing jelly at that moment.

All three of them were rather pale in the face, their eyes wide. I was taken away by their sudden vulnerability. Ever since I've known them, they never lost their style and composure; they were always ready to strike back or retort, finding their way out of every trouble. And here they were, looking like three little boys caught doing something forbidden. I was startled as never before – was that fear in their eyes?

Potter and Pettigrew remained standing back, throwing nervous glances at Lupin, while Black was dangerously approaching.

"You were eavesdropping!" he spat, looking at me with disgust, making my insides boil.

"No…no, I-I didn't," I stuttered pathetically, staring up at him fearfully, eyeing his wand. I clutched my own, but there was no denying that if we'd duel, I'd be the one carried out in a coffin. Abruptly standing up, I tripped over the curtain, falling back on the ground. From the corner of my eye I noticed Black's amused smirk and so I finally straightened up, kicking the curtain aside, just in case. "I was _not_ eavesdropping!" I repeated, more fiercely this time.

Black leaned back a bit leisurely, crossing his arms at his chest, and I noticed his wound still bled, but it didn't seem to bother him too much.

"You weren't?" he asked in disbelief, that nasty smirk playing over his lips. "Then it's really strange that in the middle of the night, you just happen to be here, hidden behind curtains, eavesdropping!"

"I was peacefully sleeping and before that I drew the curtains around my bed because of how I look, thanks to you!" I hissed, pointing to my beard.

"You're not much scarier than usual," Pettigrew piped up from behind Black, but shut his mouth when Potter placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a look.

Ignoring his comment, I turned back to Black. "Besides, it was you who barged in spilling all your secrets. Maybe you should just watch your mouth the next time! How did you get here anyway?" I asked, the thought occurring to me for the first time, as I looked around, knowing they couldn't get through the door, because Madam Pomfrey would surely know about it.

"That is none of your business."

"I can't believe it! You're unregistered animagi. And he…he's a werewolf!" I exclaimed, pointing to Lupin. That moment, their worried expressions switched to angry ones. Black lunged forward, grabbing me by the shoulders, as if wanting to shake the life out of me.

"So what if he is? Are you going to judge him because of it? Are you going to run and tell everybody you know, just so everyone cringes with every look at him and tell their parents, so they expel him? Is that what you want?"

Staring at him with my eyes wide, I felt guilt sway over me. Something about that look of Black and a sideways glance at Lupin made me feel pathetic for looking at him like that.

"Of course not," I said softly, placing my hands on Black's chest, pushing him slowly away. Potter made his way to us, pulling his friend away.

"Calm down, Padfoot," he told him, and instantly Black let go, taking a few steps back, while I just gaped at how he listened to Potter, as if he was the only one with enough influence to control him. Then he looked at me, softly and less dangerously.

"You won't tell anyone about Remus, will you?"

"Why don't we just erase her memory?" Pettigrew asked, but nobody answered his question.

Shaking my head as in 'No, I won't tell anyone', all three of them let out a sigh of relief.

"And you won't tell anyone about us, too?" Potter asked, more confidently, grinning, pleased with himself. I was just about to nod. What would I gain by running to Dumbledore and telling him? Nothing. They would just hate me more. However, this didn't mean I couldn't use it to my advantage. Suddenly, I was struck with an idea so fantastic and exciting, I felt myself smiling. They seemed to feel the trouble in my smile, for they frowned.

"I'm not entirely sure about that," I replied, crossing my arms, putting on a smug expression. The looks on their faces were priceless. I wish I had a camera, just so I could treasure this precious moment forever. The Marauders completely bewildered by me, LeAnn Weaving.

Black found his way back in front of me, his eyes flashing and I saw in him an image of his family's reputation. He was obviously very angry with me, but I didn't care.

"What do you mean by that?" he asked, running a hand through the black locks that framed his face. "Look," he began more timidly this time, "I know I haven't always been nice to you. Like…erm, today for instance," he added, giving a sideways glance at my beard, to which I frowned for a second. "But if you'll spill this out, we'll get expelled!"

"I know! That's why you have to listen to me!" I said cheerily and Black exchanged a worried look with Potter.

"What exactly do you want us to do?"

"It's quite simple, actually. I want you to teach me how to become an animagus."

I will never forget the way they looked at me, completely dumbfounded, their jaws dropping. Pettigrew had his head cocked to the side, as if filtering the news, while Black just mouthed wordlessly. Obviously they didn't share my enthusiasm.

Finally, Potter came to his senses. "That's not possible," he said skeptically, stepping foot to foot. "The spell is very complex. It took us nearly four years to master it. No offense, Frizz, but I never had the impression you were extraordinarily good at Transfiguration."

"Stop calling me Frizz, _Padfoot_." I wasn't sure whether the nickname was his, but it was the first thing that came to mind.

"I'm Padfoot," Sirius exclaimed, pointing to his chest.

"Oh, excuse me," I said in a mock apologetic voice. "What do they call you? Antlers?"

Potter grinned, placing his hands in his pockets. "No. Prongs at your service."

"And I'm Wormtail," Pettigrew said proudly. "That is Moony," he added, pointing to Lupin.

"That doesn't matter now," Potter began, his grin disappearing, replaced by a frown once again. "Forget it, Weaving. We won't teach you and you won't tell on us. Otherwise I'll just have to turn your mouth into a zipper!"

"I'm afraid you have no choice either way. I can make it. I always wanted to be an animagus. Let's just give it a try. You weren't as experienced as we are now, and you had no one to teach you," I reasoned, smiling brightly.

Black suddenly leapt forward. "Let me tell you something! You are very-"

But Potter stood in front of him, pushing him backwards. Then he turned to me and sighed. "Fine. We'll…erm…give you the lessons, but I don't guarantee any success."

"Thanks! You won't regret it!" I shouted rather loudly, which seemed to be a wrong thing. We heard shuffling from behind the door and spotted Madam Pomfrey's silhouette in the shadows, coming closer. Without a single word, Potter, Pettigrew and Black rushed to the other side of the Hospital Wing. I saw no point in it, because there was a wall, so unless they could walk through it, they would be surely caught. But my jaw dropped for not the first time that morning as Black tapped a few bricks with his wand and the floor shifted to the side, revealing a secret trapdoor. All three of them slipped inside and before jumping in, Black turned around and gave me a smile of triumph. Then the floor closed behind him. Madam Pomfrey was opening the door, so I threw myself back on the bed, pulling the covers high up to my chin, the excitement never leaving me.

Maybe I was pathetic by _forcing_ them to teach me, but I didn't care. I would try to be an animagus; an unregistered one to be exact, which is far more exciting, because no one would know. And even though I hated to admit it, deep inside I hoped that perhaps the Marauders would not only teach me how to be an animagus, but a person worth liking. I longed for a change so much.

I was overwhelmed. So overwhelmed and shocked and full of emotions, mixed with excitement and guilt. Everything had happened very fast. Mere minutes ago I was just LeAnn Weaving. Now I'm LeAnn Weaving who knows the biggest secret of the Marauders. And I convinced them to teach me. In record time, too. I felt like a little child excited about Christmas that was supposed to come the next day. Unable to help myself, I smiled into my pillow.

To people it may sound weird or naïve, but I felt things were already changing.

My beard was gone within the next hour and I was free to go. Heading straight to breakfast, I met Lily. She told me my skin was much softer after the disgusting thing Madam Pomfrey put all over me, and even though I didn't believe it, I couldn't help but smile.

"Just remember, never leave for the Hospital Wing for a whole night. Ever since Amelia bonded with Heather, things are unbearable. Heather's being a cow as always, Amelia just stands in the background, but she no longer stands up to her or anything. She has complete influence over her. Yesterday was unbearable without you there!"

Heather was our fellow housemate. We've been great friends ever since first year. Me, Lily, Heather, Amelia and Evelyn. Then Heather matured, began dating and all the make up she was using contaminated her brain permanently. She was mean to us and thought herself superior. When Evelyn found herself a boyfriend in Ravenclaw, she usually spent all her time with him and his crowd, which left me, Lily and Amelia, but lately, Amelia, for whatever reason, became great friends with Heather, and now Heather's make up contaminated her brain as well. So it was me and Lily, and while she had many other duties and classes, and also friends, she always found the time to hang out with me, which I appreciated very much.

We sat down in the Great Hall and Lily took out her wand, charming the goblet of orange juice to sing. Glancing up at me, she smiled and I returned the smile, and so we sang along to a foreign song, Italian probably. Since none of us knew Italian, we ended up sounding funny and goofy. Many heads turned to us, and some Gryffindors sang along, while Slytherin and some Ravenclaws stared at us as if we were stupid. But when I glanced at the staff table, I noticed Dumbledore humming cheerily.

I was just choking on my porridge and Lily was handing me a cup of water when the owls swept down through the Great Hall. A murky brown one landed in front of Lily with the Daily Prophet.

"Anything new?" I asked, red in the faced now that I could breathe again.

Furrowing her eyebrows, Lily scanned the first page and then she flipped through the paper briefly, stopping right in the middle where a large article was printed.

"It says something about an attack," she said, the tone of her voice worried. She brought up her fingers to her mouth, biting on her nail. "At the Ministry, yesterday. Look." Pushing the paper my way, I saw she was right. At the end of breakfast, the majority of students were talking about You-Know-Who and his latest attack on the Ministry; two arrests, three new deaths. It was only recently that You-Know-Who fully rose to power and ever since then, an article concerning him and his Death Eaters appeared in the paper every day.

It all started in my fourth year and it kept moving on at a very slow pace. Nobody knew the real danger nor did anyone prevent it. Everyone thought it was just another lunatic running loose, but they were proven wrong. At the end of my fifth year, things took a great turn. Families were torn apart, bonds broken, all thanks to one man. Me and Lily weren't as concerned for our families, we were both Muggleborns; we feared the future.

The world was not safe anymore, but we still had Hogwarts, and until this castle was standing, we were still allowed to laugh and be happy. Hogwarts never was just an amazing place: it was something much, much more, despite ugly Slytherins walking down the halls. And everyone that ever attended the school must've realized that.

Talking about You-Know-Who was complicated. None of us knew what to say. There were people who had parents working at the Ministry and knew all kinds of information. Or there were those who pretended to know and spread rumors that were not true. Lily and I never really talked about it too much.

Once we were finished with our breakfast, Lily and I headed out of the Great Hall and towards our first class. Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned around to see James Potter. Raising my eyebrows at him, it took me a while to realize what he was doing there in the first place. Lily gave us an inquiring look while James ran a hand through his messy hair, making it even more disorganized, giving a sideways glance to Lily.

"Can I have a word?" he asked, turning back to me. I nodded, walking a few paces away from Lily with him. "Are you ready to have your first lesson tonight?" he asked once he was sure we were out of earshot. I nodded. "Then be in front of the Room of Requirement at nine." He turned around to leave, but I grabbed him by the shoulder.

"How am I supposed to know where the Room of Requirement is? I have never heard of it."

"It's located on the seventh floor, opposite the tapestry showing Barnabas the Barmy trying to teach trolls to dance ballet. Just wait for us and we'll explain the rest."

"But we're supposed to be at our common rooms by nine!"

"Do you mind?" Potter grinned, walking away. When passing Lily, he bowed in her direction, to which she just rolled her eyes. Once I reached her, she opened her mouth, surely to question me, but Remus Lupin was just passing by and he noticed me. Sides of his neck were bandaged and he looked extremely exhausted. For the first time, I didn't have to wonder why.

He noticed me. Gaping at me, frozen on the spot, ashen faced, his eyes darted from me to Lily wildly. Lily gave me another confused look as I felt an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. So he already knew. I opened my mouth to say something, but he spun around, hurrying away, his robes billowing behind him.

"What's wrong with him?" Lily asked, eyeing his back until he disappeared behind a corner.

"I think I know." Without an explanation, I broke into a run after him. All this time while I was excited about my new discovery and what I'd get out of it, I haven't given a thought to Remus Lupin and his werewolf hardship. I didn't realize it may hurt and scare him. He must've thought I already spilt the secret all over the school, but not once did I think about it. Really. Yet I was unimaginably selfish.

It took me a while until I found him. He was sitting in an empty classroom, his head in his hands.

I walked in quietly, giving a soft knock on the door. Lupin looked up, startled by my presence. Getting up from the chair, he backed away, gulping.

"I..." he began, his voice shaking, "Dumbledore knows and-"

"Don't worry. I already know," I cut him off, trying to keep my voice calm and soft.

"Well, aren't you afraid of me?" he asked, and I noticed he was fighting to contain himself. I had the impression he felt like shouting, but his voice remained steady. "Have you already told your friends? 'Hey girls, that Remus Lupin is a dangerous werewolf'!"

Shaking my head in disagreement, I walked to the table and sat opposite where he was sitting before, looking up at him.

"I didn't. I don't think there's any need to." It took a while before Lupin sat down across from me, taking a deep breath. "I'm not afraid of you. I was terrified at first, I admit. Knowing I've been sharing a common room with a werewolf for five years was a rather disturbing thought, but then I realized how stupid and foolish I am. I'm not judging you, honestly."

He looked at me solemnly, a sad haunting shadow in his eyes. Exhaling slightly, as if in relief, he leaned back and looked everywhere except me. He may have been relieved that I didn't spill out his secret and didn't judge him, but the defeated shadow never left his eyes. I wish I could say something, but I never knew how to comfort others. Lily was good at that. She had the ability to make everyone feel better, no matter their problem. I just used to say stupid things in inappropriate situations. That's why I decided to rather remain silent and say no more.

Catching Lupin's eye, I gave him a smile, hoping he would stop looking so…depressed.

Surprisingly, right at that moment, as if obeying my silent demand, he brightened, leaning forward again.

"Um," he began, a bit awkwardly, "Thank you."

I felt so much lighter after those words.

* * *

**A/N:** Please, please, please let me know what you think. This story has been in the works for such a long time I'm dying to know how you see the characters and plot developement. :) Thanks to those who already left me a review or added me to their alert list. I'll try to update frequently. Also, if you'd like to read another of my two new stories, you could check out The Thresholds of Heartbeat, a post-death James/Lily one-shot, or my new Dean/Luna fic. Thank you, and please don't forget to review. 


	3. Needing and Wanting

**Deeper Than I Thought**

Needing and Wanting

I was so glad when I got out of the Transfiguration classroom that afternoon, which was my last class that day. I just had my essay marked as Dreadful. McGonagall informed me that if this continues, she'll kick me out of her N.E.W.T. class. Actually, I don't have an idea how I got there in the first place. Most of it was Lily's doing, since she was always eager to help me with homework. What would I ever do without her? I'd be a total failure. This way, I'm just a failure, but not total, which still makes life worth living.

That's why I felt guilty when I lied to her about why James Potter confronted me and why I ran after Lupin that morning. I made something up, which I can't even remember now, so it's most likely that if Lily asks again, I'll mess the events up and reveal myself. Oh well.

But I suspended those thoughts out of my head, because I was heading toward the Gryffindor common room to get ready for my animagus training. I was really excited.

As I neared the portrait hole, it swung open, and some students filed out, including Black, who got out last. He stopped in his tracks when he spotted me, while other students passed us by. Raising his eyebrows, Black walked up to me, his hands in his pockets, hair hopping around his face.

I wasn't short or anything, but Black was so tall that I felt like a dwarf beside him. There wasn't really a difference between our heights; it was probably the feeling. I guess I was just too weak to draw myself to my full height and maybe I was easily intimidated. Merlin knows why I was sorted into Gryffindor.

"Look, Weaving, before your lessons, I just want to get a few things straight," he said suddenly, without a greeting, glaring at me. Something about me must've really agitated him; I figured this from the way he looked at me. "You know we are going to _waste_ our time just because you _forced_ us. Don't expect any friendship or romance blooming from our animagus encounters."

Frowning, as deeply as the muscles in my face allowed it, I had to overcome the urge to shove my transfiguration book into his stomach with full force.

"What was that supposed to mean? Romance? You mean like with you?" I spat out with disgust, ignoring the little voice inside my head, saying that at the end of my fourth year I _was_ crushing after him.

He shrugged leisurely. "Perhaps. What I'm trying to say is that I don't like you and that it won't be changing."

"Well, fine, because I hate you. We're in the same boat, aren't we?" I retorted with a voice as dark and slow as I could muster.

Black winced. Maybe the word 'hate' was strong, but my anger was already rapidly rising before I could prevent anything.

"What is it about me that you hate so much? I never did anything to you," he remarked, as if offended by the revelation of my feelings toward him.

"Never? And what abut all those times when you hexed me in the halls just because you could? Just because I'm not beautiful and have big funny glasses? What have I done to deserve that?"

Black looked at me as if I was a hysterical lunatic. "So I hexed you a couple of times. Don't get your knickers in a twist. It was for a good laugh. You were the one going mad with fury, insulting me. Words can hurt more than a hex!"

"I would never insult you if you left me alone!" I shouted angrily, noticing some passers stopping to watch the scene; they were mainly Gryffindors or someone else that wandered on the seventh floor.

"Leave you alone? I'm not doing anything! You decided to threaten us and cling like a parasite."

That was it. My blood reached a boiling point. The way he said it and the way he looked at me made me want to punch him and cry at the same time. I tried to bite my lip, because I didn't want all those poisonous words to escape my mouth, but I failed. "You know what, Black? I despise you and your ways, for you are nothing more than a filthy Black!"

With that I stormed away, shaking with anger. I wanted to shatter things. I reached the portrait hole, screaming the password furiously.

"My, my, girl, calm down, I was trying to take a nap," the Fat lady snapped at me agitatedly, but I ignored her, climbing through the hole, knocking over a second year and stomping up to my dorm, shutting the door behind myself with a loud thud, which echoed through the entire tower. As if the situation wasn't bad enough, Heather was lying on her bed, reading a book. Once she spotted me, all angry and frustrated, an entertained smile crooked at her face and she sat up, eyeing me with interest.

But right as she was about to open her mouth and say something nasty to me, I jumped on my bed, drew the curtains around and put a silencing charm on them. Now I heard nothing of what Heather said. She could even scream and yell and bang at the floor, yet I would not hear her. She was lucky I did this instead of just strangling her, because at that moment, I was capable of doing that. I've always been rather aggressive when driven over the edge.

Black could always do that to me. After every confrontation with him I was furious and ready to tear him apart. What was worse, he was_ right_! I always ended up yelling nastier things at him than Heather ever said to me. But at moments like those, I didn't really care whether I might hurt his feelings. I was prejudiced about him. I heard so much about his family, and deep down I knew he was different. I saw it when he was laughing, I saw it when he helped his friends or got back at Slytherins, but whenever he was dealing with me, I had the opposite impression. So I never hesitated to inform him of that, multiplying my opinions and exaggerating them, so it seemed I really despised him with a passion, which I didn't. But I just couldn't contain myself when he was around.

He didn't like me and had a reason, but without the tiniest breeze, no leaf will ever move.

Inhaling deeply, I buried my head into my pillow. Tears threatened to fall, but I didn't let them. In the past two years, I came near to crying many times, but I never did ever since my grandmother died, a person I deeply and truly loved. She was the only person from my entire family who respected and encouraged the magic within me, however incapable I was of performing it the right way. After her death, I vowed never to cry again, because it weakened me more than anything, and Grandmother never liked to see me crying.

Ever since then I have been in many situations where I felt like crying, but I never did. And I won't cry this time as well. Black sure wasn't a reason for me to cry. But still I wondered, what was so wrong about me that drew people away from me? How come some people had the natural ability to make others fall for them, whether in love or just in a friendly manner, when there were people like me that tried as much as they could and never got anywhere?

* * *

I stood in front of the supposed Room of Requirement; it was five minutes past nine, which meant I was breaking a rule. I never broke any rules. Never had much guts to do so anyway. In addition, there was no Room of Requirement, just bare wall facing me. The Marauders are late and that's when I began to think they wouldn't be coming. They made nice good fun of me and probably sent a teacher to get me.

If that's the case, they will pay. I have the cards in my hands that are able to throw them out of school.

Leaning against the bare wall opposite Barnabas the Barmy, a feeling of sadness overwhelmed me. I would not go running to Dumbledore. It was never my intention, I was just bluffing. Because if I did that, I would hate myself…even more than the rest of Hogwarts if the Marauders would be expelled. When I first found out, I thought what they were doing was not right. Then I realized they're doing it for a friend. That probably changed my mind. It was so self-sacrificing that it made my heart melt. I wish I had more friends like that. I had Lily, but still I found myself so empty at times. Girls my age already had boyfriends, Lily included, and they had a lot of friends.

Straightening up, I walked back and forth, gloomily thinking of how I needed it too. I needed it so much!

Sighing, I leaned back against the wall, feeling it harden behind me, as if it transformed into something else. I was just about to turn around and look at what was happening, when I heard the doorknob that wasn't there before click. The door opened and since I was leaning against it, I fell backwards, right onto something soft.

"Get off!" I heard a muffled voice and with a stroke of horror recognized the voice as Black's. Jumping to my feet, I was pulled back down by my hair. "Wait," Black said, standing up carefully, supporting me from the back. I heard the rest of his friends choking with laughter behind us. "Your hair got tangled into my chain." We stood up and I had to have my head bended against Black's chest while he tried to get his silver chain rid of my hair.

"Ouch!" I yelped as he pulled on my hair a bit too strongly.

"Sorry," he muttered, concentrating back on his task. I still had my face pressed against his chest, which was a very unusual sight, and I wished the floor would open up and swallow me from all the embarrassment. He smelled of fresh water and soap and it tingled my nose.

Giving up, he reached for his wand and without uttering a single word he freed my hair from the clutches of his silver chains. We were practicing nonverbal spells for two weeks and he already mastered it. How did he just do that?

It felt really awkward just standing there, facing Black, after screaming that I hated him into his face mere hours ago.

Shaking my head at the thought, I finally straightened up, noting that my hair was most likely standing at an odd angle at one side. Then I glanced back at the open door, which surely wasn't there before.

"What was that?" I asked, pointing to the door as Black shut it.

"The Room of Requirement," Potter exclaimed, still red from laughter. "The door appears only when you're in a serious need of something."

Crossing my arms at my chest, I felt stupid, but I really didn't know. "How was I supposed to know that? You said you'd wait for me outside the room!"

"We wanted to see whether you'd figure it out," Black said from behind me. Glancing at him over my shoulder, I noticed he probably decided to forget about our afternoon argument, although there was an obvious coldness toward me, but at least he decided to be civil. For now…

"And you did," Lupin smiled, "even though not intentionally."

"What were you thinking about?" Pettigrew asked, slouching down into an armchair. That was when I began taking in the look of the room. It was big and there was enough space for practicing various kind of magic. Walls were lined with bookcases with giant, small, light, heavy books about animagi, transfiguration, animals and subjects similar to this one. The place was even comfortable enough. There were two couches and three large armchairs, along with a table and…right that moment a bowl of small tennis balls appeared there out of thin air.

"What was that?"

Grinning, Pettigrew reached forward and seized one little ball. "I thought I could use a little amusement, and here it is."

"Very well," Potter said, placing his hands on his hips, "we should start." The rest of the Marauders moved over to the couch and all sat down. On the way, Black took a ball from the bowl as well and kept tossing it up and down.

I sat myself into an armchair opposite them, eagerly waiting.

"As we said," Potter began, "the process is really complicated. It takes a lot of effort to just practice. It takes a great deal of concentration." Hm, that would be quite a problem with me, because I could never concentrate long enough.

"How do you become a particular animal? Do you choose or…?"

"We don't," Pettigrew replied. "While attempting to master the spell, you are supposed to think of an animal, but that hardly guarantees it will be your animagus form as well. We don't know what decides the animal. James here is a stag, Sirius is a dog, and I'm…well, a rat." He finished with a slight disappointed look, but James immediately patted him on the shoulder.

"Rats may not be too good at first glance," he said, looking at me, "but they can be very useful and fun." Pettigrew looked much happier after that comment.

Personally I felt sorry for him. Being a rat next to two magnificent big animals must've sucked.

"So it's possible I may turn to a slug or a bat?"

"Exactly."

Urgh, I sure don't want to be a slug or something remotely disgusting. I was terrified of slugs.

"So how do we start?" I asked, tapping my fingers onto my knees, hoping my glinting eyes weren't too visible.

"I think we should just get right to it. Of course, it won't work. You'd have to have a real hidden talent to even change a strand of your hair to fur." Potter stood up and walked to stand in front of me, so I stood up as well, and we moved over to stand behind the couches. There was a big clear space for training any magic. "Think of some animal you'd like to turn into."

Furrowing my eyebrows, I wondered what animal should I think about.

"Favorite animal for example," Potter added after three minutes of silence, which I spent still pondering various animals.

I thought hard. Favorite animal…what was my favorite animal? I must've had one as a child, and I must have one now. But the more I tried, the less I knew. "I don't have a favorite animal," I said simply, shrugging my shoulders.

Raising his eyebrows at me, Potter gave me a curious look. "You don't? Everyone has a favorite animal! Especially girls; kittens, bunnies, little birds, elephants-"

"Puppies?" Black grinned from his couch, but I ignored him.

Crossing my arms at my chest, I rolled my eyes. "Just because we're girls doesn't mean we drool and gawk at everything that's a bit cute."

Waving his hand to suspend the subject, Potter ran a hand through his hair, placing it on his hip afterward. "Just think of some animal. Any."

"Um, how about an…eagle?" So I probably won't be turning into an eagle, but it was first that came to mind and I really couldn't think of anything.

"Fine, an eagle it will be. Remember: concentrate hard. Think of how it flies and floats. Try to imagine the movement of his wings, every little detail of his body, his senses. And let me remind you that if you do this good enough, you might not turn into an eagle, but the animal you're bound to be. Understand?"

"Okay." I took a deep breath and from the corner of my eye noticed the rest of the Marauders watching me intently; even Black stopped tossing his apple up and down. Closing my eyes I heard Potter tell me to clear my mind of all things and concentrate on nothing but the eagle.

"If you can, try to imagine as if you were within him and saw the world flashing under you through his eyes. It will have a much bigger effect," Black added, disturbing my clearing of mind, because his smooth voice always did that. Whenever in lessons or just when I was doing homework in the common room, he would start talking and all my concentration would disappear with a poof because his voice always seemed to seep in to anyone's mind and draw the person into listening to him, unintentionally or not.

Merlin, just like now. I should be concentrating, but instead I am thinking of Black's stupid deep voice. I could use the spell that turns someone's mouth into a zipper like Pettigrew mentioned back in the Hospital Wing.

"Weaving, you're not concentrating!" Potter snapped, so I mentally smacked myself and tried to clear my mind of all things. There's nothing, just a giant, never-ending blue sky in front of me, dotted with puffy white clouds. I feel the wind in my hair and I stretch out my arms to wave them in a flying manner, so I can gain on speed. I look down and see the world beneath me from great height; it's all a wonderful feeling and-

All my concentration was suddenly broken when I heard laughter erupt from the Marauders. Snapping my eyes open, I looked at them as they rolled on the floor, laughing.

"What's so funny?" I asked, feeling a hot sensation pouring over my cheeks.

"I told you to imagine being an eagle, not pretend to be one," Potter said in between fits of laughter, red in the face.

I glanced at Black emitting his bark-like laugh, watching me merrily.

"What did I do?" I asked in a quiet voice.

Trying to stop laughing, Black took in a few deep breaths and looked back at me, his eyes glinting. His hair was a bit messed up, yet it didn't make him look bad at all. Grinning broadly, he leaned on the back of the couch with his arms.

"You just got too absorbed into your eagle fantasies. You stretched out your arms and began waving with them as if you were flying. You looked too funny to handle. But yeah, if you were an eagle, you'd be a pretty elegant one, judging from the smooth, swift movement of your arms." Potter, Lupin and Pettigrew just laughed harder, while Black kept looking at me, that stupid grin of his plastered to his face, as if provoking me to slap him. But I couldn't, and I wouldn't.

I don't know what happened to me then, but I burst out laughing myself. It startled me, because it was so unusual for my personality. Normally I would blush like a carrot and try to ignore their laughter, but when I imagined how I had to look…and Black's grin was so addicting. Laughter itself was suddenly addicting. Maybe it was because the Marauders were laughing at me as if it happened to a friend of theirs, not a failure they always made fun of.

For a moment, Black eyed me with interest, probably surprised by my laughter, and then he went on, too. Laughing was like a drug, and I suddenly realized how much I was missing out when I decided to sulk instead of trying to laugh, even if for no reason.

* * *

"Where were you?" Lily asked as I sneaked back up to my dorm at half past eleven. She was sitting on her bed, her back leaning against the headboard. Reading some muggle romance probably. She looked at me with that sort of look one can really have trouble with if lying. Not that I lied to Lily. Almost never, but when it concerned spending time with the Marauders, James Potter included, for her own good I thought it better not to confess too soon.

Shutting the door behind me, thankful that Heather and Janice were sleeping and Evelyn was still not there, I walked over to my bed, which was opposite Lily's and laid down.

"I was out in the library; got some books on Transfiguration since I pretty much screwed up that essay."

"Where are your books then?" she inquired, setting the book down and not leaving her eyes from me.

Cursing beneath my breath, I smacked myself again for coming up with a lame excuse and giving myself away so easily. Why was I always so slow and clueless?

"I-I didn't take any," I stammered, avoiding Lily's piercing gaze, hoping she would stop with all the penetrating, making one feel as though she was x-raying him. My wish was granted, because Lily suddenly looked as though she forgot all about my late arrival. Sitting at the edge of her bed, she smiled dreamily.

Glancing at Heather's bed, making sure she was really sleeping, Lily leaned forward and said, "You won't believe who asked me out today." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

Rubbing my eyes since I was tired, I looked at her, not as enthusiastically as she looked at me, because it was nothing new Lily got asked out by a boy. "Who?" I asked, yawning and leaning back onto my soft pillow, clinging to life outside my dreams with the last bits of strength.

"Timothy Bennet!"

My eyes snapped open and I sat up abruptly, bumping my head against the headboard, rolling over with a loud yelp of pain, and falling to the floor with a thud.

Heather and Janice shifted in their sleep; Heather even grunted something we couldn't comprehend. I stared at Lily, and she stared back at me, completely baffled that the piece of news made me so shocked. The thing is, Timothy Bennet was one of the most gorgeous people living. He could easily give, let's say, Sirius Black a run for his money. His only advantage might've been that he was already in seventh year. This way, most of the female population was left with a dilemma whether to fall for Sirius Black or Timothy Bennet. Pathetic, I say, because Timothy Bennet looked like a self-centered jerk to me. Yet it still surprised me. And made me jealous, because Lily always had everything she wanted. Not that she didn't deserve it, but…I couldn't quite decipher what I was feeling that moment.

"Are you alright?" she asked, standing above me, helping me to my feet.

"Sure," I suppressed a giggle and smiled nervously. "You know me. Gravity always gets the best of me." Clearing my throat, I collected my sheets from the ground and avoided Lily's eyes. "I think it's great with this Timothy, although I should warn you."

Chuckling, Lily walked over to her own bed and threw herself at it. "You're always warning me, LeAnn."

"That's because men are evil," I replied with a grin, climbing into my own bed, curling under the covers, positioning myself to the centre of the bed, just in case.

"You'll change your mind once you'll fall so deeply for someone you'll have trouble breathing when he's around," she said sleepily and turned off the light. Silence enveloped our dorm and I stared out the window sadly.

I fell for someone so deeply, not once, and it never was different, it was always the same - rejection, ignorance, or apologetic eyes. I hated to think of it, but it was the truth. My only comfort may have been that I never lost the ability to breathe. So perhaps I still had a chance. Perhaps I just needed to change. Perhaps there was someone worth it. Perhaps…

* * *

**Author's Note: **I want to thank everyone for taking the time and reviewing my previous chapters. It always makes me feel all smiley and warm and fuzzy inside. So I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well. A sub-genre of this story is also humor, and I'm not very good at it, I dare say, but I felt the need to put some of it into this chapter. What do you think? I will be so happy if you review and give me your honest opinion... 


	4. Blasting Wands and Unexpected Punches

Deeper Than I Thought

**Deeper Than I Thought**

Blasting Wands and Unexpected Punches

"Concentrate!" Potter exclaimed, rolling his eyes at me, as I had to pick myself off the ground once again. Turns out thatevery time I attempt a transformation, I am moving without realizing to, and I always end up on the floor.

Dusting myself off, I grunted. "I am concentrating! What do you think I'm doing besides that? There it is, stupid ugly eagle flying down and up and down, flapping his wings, then floating. Do you call that no concentrating?"

"So perhaps you should think of some other animal," Black suggested, rather timidly. At my first lesson, we made some kind of a silent agreement to be civil to each other, although that didn't mean I wouldn't glare at him after he'd charm my hair green or purple or any other color that fitted his mood.

"Think of something new," I would always say to him, reminding him what a cliché it was; and he would only cock his head to the side, grinning amusedly, telling me he didn't need to think of anything else since looking at me resembling a frog always made his heart whole.

Shaking my head at the thought, I glanced back at Potter and arched an eyebrow.

Slouching down on an armchair beside him, I rested my legs upon the table in front of me, taking a small rest. "What animal did you imagine when you were transforming?"

Potter furrowed his eyebrows, trying to remember and then he looked at me with a smile on his lips. "A horse. I was not too far."

"I imagined some big cat, and I was pretty far," Peter said with that disappointed look in his eyes I rather avoided.

"And how about you?" I nodded my head in Black's direction.

He stood up immediately, narrowed himself proudly and said firmly, "I imagined being a lion!"

Smirking, I couldn't help but snorting. "And you ended up being a puppy. How cute," I pouted in a mocking manner.

Snorting with laughter, James and Remus cleared their throats the moment Black shot them a dangerous look.

"I don't mind being a dog! It's natural to my inner personality," he replied, sitting back down and crossing his arms over his chest, jotting his chin up indignantly.

"Yup, you too drool when dozing off in the common room."

Going slightly red on the side of his neck, he stared at me for a few seconds, before exclaiming loudly, "I do not drool! I was talking about bravery and loyalty."

Shrugging my shoulders, I gave him a cheeky smile. Never before had I such a great opportunity at teasing Sirius Black. "Fine, but you still drool."

"And you can't walk a single mile without tripping," he retorted, wiping the smile off my face. I couldn't really think up a clever remark to that, because he was right. I, indeed, tripped every half a mile. My legs did that to me just to spite me. In addition, I was always unlucky, I guess. Every time either a passing ghost frightened me or some object flew right under my feet.

"Enough, you two," Potter said finally, ushering me to stand up. "Let's try one last time. Try to imagine some different animal this time. Close your eyes, try to see everything from the point of view of your chosen animal and remember, _concentrate_!"

I nodded, stood my ground firmly and shut my eyes. An animal. What kind of animal? How can I not have a favorite animal? Am I such an oddity? I guess. Well, I'll just choose one.

Right at that moment I saw a dog; abig black dog running in front of me. It was strong and beautiful and it certainly looked like something I'd like to transform into. Attempting to see the world through the dog's eyes, my mind froze and I felt a blush creeping over my cheeks. In my imagination, right in front of my mind, was the animagus form of Sirius Black.

I was just about to open my eyes and start over, hoping none of them noticed the sudden change in the color of my skin, but I heard clapping and hushed chuckling. Snapping my eyes open, I found myself staring into Remus' eyes.

"Wow, that's a fast progress!" Remus exclaimed, but there was something wrong about the way he chuckled while looking at me. I felt my ears were different, so I reached up and touched them. They were long and thick. My eyes widening, I looked at a wall and needed a mirror. In an instant, a mirror appeared there and I saw my reflection staring back at me, with a pair of donkey ears sticking out of my head.

Shrieking, I clasped my hands over my ears in a useless attempt to hide them.

"Am I turning into a _donkey_?"

"Surprised?" Black asked in between fits of laughter. I kicked him in his leg, so instead of laughing, he began hopping around, holding his leg.

Their laughter still hadn't died away, not even after a few minutes when I had my arms crossed and glared at them with frustration. All my animagi enthusiasm vanished once I learned I was going to be a donkey.

"Don't worry, Frizz," Potter said, that stupid grin still glued to his lips as he stopped in front of me, scratching me behind the big ear. Slapping his hand and pulling back, I eyed him dangerously. "You're not turning into a donkey. It was just a…a joke."

My eyes immediately darted to Black and the look of him convinced me I was right.

"Sorry," he said, raising his arms into the air. "I couldn't resist."

"Turn them back this instant!" I shouted, pointing to the ears fiercely.

"Why? You look so dashing!"

The anger within me was building up so rapidly my hands shook. He just had to ruin everything all the time! Turning my ears into donkey ears and making a complete fool out of me, wasexactly like the thing Black would do. Without thinking, I reached for my wand and pulled it out of my pocket.

"Expelliarmus!" I shouted, taking him by surprise. His wand flew up into the air and with a swift jump and, thank Merlin for not tripping, I was in front of him, snatching the wand from the air. Red and green sparks flew from it, and the wand itself as if wanted to escape my fingers, but I didn't mind. Shoving my own wand into my pocket, I poked Black into the chest with the tip of his wand.

"Turn…those…ears…back! NOW!" I bellowed. I hoped Black would gaze up at me with some kind of a worried expression, but no. Even though he was not smiling or smirking, the laughter was right there, glinting in his eyes like mischievous little sparks. It made him even more attractive than he already was. If only I could take those stupid eyes out of his skull!

Suddenly, he made some kind of a rapid and swift movement with his hands, and his wand slipped out of my fingers and it was now pointing at me.

"Let me give you some advice," he said, smirking, "never point _my_ wand at me."

"Sirius…" Remus heaved a sigh, probably rolling his eyes in the process, while I stared at Black with my eyes wide. That look of his certainly had the ability to make one's mind run wild, whichever direction.

"Don't worry, Weaving," Black said, rolling his eyes as well, lowering his wand. "I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not as evil and rotten inside as you think I am." Some sort of a bitter shadow passed over his face, and his eyes, with a spark of reproach, bored into mine. For a moment, we just stood there, staring at each other, and I wished I could take back those words I screamed into his face the previous day. Why, I didn't know, because I never felt that urge before.

It was his eyes! I wish he would just stop looking at me.

Much to my relief, someone cleared his throat behind us, so I quickly averted my gaze. Black flicked his wand and I felt my ears growing back into their natural shape and form. Running a hand over them, to reassure myself I still had them, just in case, I glanced back at Black. His face was unmoved and expressionless.

"Thanks," I muttered and turned away from him with red cheeks.

"Fine, let's go back. That might be pretty much enough for today," Potter said, opening the door and letting us out one by one.

Once finished with the lesson, in which I haven't made the slightest bit of progress but had my hair turned green and ears to donkey ones, we walked back to the common room. We tried to stay quiet since we were out of common rooms after allowed hours, but Peter was checking some parchment, probably a map, telling us all is clear.

As we went, the incident between me and Black kind of washed away. I talked and they laughed quite a lot, and this time it was not in a mocking way, but a hearty laugh that made me happy. They laughed mostly on my memories I told them about. Reminiscing about all the times with Lily at Hogwarts, James was listening especially eagerly. Maybe we weren't known as the Marauders, but we sure weren't angels that just sat in their dorm and studied. Even Black allowed his face to smile.

The ease with which I spoke surprised me. I have always been a loud and fun person. At least Lily told me, I honestly think I'm a bore, but Lily did laugh a lot when we were together. But I never had the ability to show my true self to people I didn't trust. Used to being quiet and shy when surrounded by others, I never told a joke or a funny story from the past. Insecurity always told me it wouldn't be funny and others would think I'm just trying to impress them desperately. So I rather remained silent all the time. Not now, however. I was talking and laughing and I no longer felt like the old LeAnn Weaving the Marauders disliked, because I suddenly didn't feel disliked by them. It was the golden middle. They didn't consider me their friend, but they accepted me.

When I was in the middle of a vampire joke, which sounded ridiculous due to my snorts of laughter through its telling, Potter and Black halted and since they walked in front of us, I didn't notice at first and bumped right into Black.

Instinctively taking a big step back, I looked over his shoulder at what was happening. A group of Slytherins was standing in front of us, their wands drawn and their ugly smirks plastered to their even uglier faces. Fine, so Bellatrix Black wasn't exactly ugly, more like beautiful, but she was a Slytherin and all Slytherins are ugly, so there. And Lestrange would be pretty handsome if he didn't look as though he had a shovel up his arse. In the back stood Severus Snape, his oily matted hair glued to the sides of his face. Some more people I didn't know the names of were there, too.

While I was scrutinizing the scene with interest (and slowness), the Marauders were fast enough to pull out their wands immediately. It would be evident to anyone, even a Muggle, to know these two opposing groups hated each other with a passion, just by spotting the anger and resentment blazing in their eyes.

"We have some business to take care of, Black," Lestrange seethed, Bellatrix pursing her lips with disgust on her face. Then Lestrange finally seemed to notice me. How usual. No one notices LeAnn until she pokes him in the eye. "Ah look, Weaving found friends. How cute," he said suddenly, his voice mocking sweet. Raising my eyebrows in surprise that he knew my last name, I felt the tip of my ears heat up. "Which one did you put a spell on? Otherwise I really don't see a reason someone as arrogant and self-centered would hang out with someone as pathetic as you."

"Shut the hell up, Lestrange," Potter said, stepping in front of me. I gaped at the back of his messy head, open-mouthed. Did he just stand up for me?

Smirking maliciously, Lestrange glanced at me, then the Marauders, obviously over-thinking his following actions. On an ordinary day, I would be already fixed to the wall with flesh-eating ants crawling all over me, but since I was in the presence of the Marauders, who kept glaring at the Slytherins with as much hate, if not more, as they glared at them.

"Touching!" Bellatrix hissed, raising her head. "You've found yourself protectors." Laughing out loud, the rest of the Slytherins followed suit.

"Just get lost, filthy scumbags of slime!" Black exclaimed, clutching his wand, resisting the urge to mutter some curse. His eyes were fixed on Bellatrix and they both looked at each other, ready to kill.

Most of the Slytherins fell silent and raised their eyebrows in surprise, as did I, because it was very unlikely for Sirius Black to give out ultimatums and not leap into a fight right away.

"Come on, Black," Lestrange said, his voice daring. "Do not tell me you will let us walk away because of her!" he spat, pointing at me while I went red in the face, for like the hundredth time that day. What was worse, I wasn't red from Lestrange's finger pointing at me. "Don't tell me you're in love with her!" Shut up, shut up, shut up! "No, no, I doubt that. Don't get the impression that I think highly of you, but even you are better than this stupid, ugly, pathetic, filthy Mudblood!"

Before Potter, Black, Lupin or Pettigrew could do something, I, with my mind blank from all the rage, marched past James, right up to Lestrange. I punched him with as much strength as I could. Only when I felt bones crack under my knuckles did I realize that this, perhaps, wasn't the best thing to do.

Everything stopped for a second and both groups of people just stared at me in shock, Lestrange included. Despite the trouble I was in, I felt immense satisfaction with myself. Such satisfaction, in fact, that I felt like jumping and shrieking with joy. Obviously there was no time for that, because after overcoming his state of shock, Lestrange muttered an unknown curse and I felt myself flying backwards, hitting the wall.

That hurt!

Slipping down to the ground, I had to shake my head to regain vision. Only then did I realize I didn't have my glasses. Getting to my knees I searched for them with my hands.

"Here." I heard Pettigrew's voice. He put the glasses into my hands and I put them on quickly. The Marauders were already deep in a duel with the Slytherins; curses were flying everywhere. In addition, they were all shouting, which was sure to bring teachers soon.

And while they fought because of me, I was sitting comfortably on the floor. Kicking myself mentally, I jumped up, running over to them, pulling out my own wand. Aiming some hexes I remembered at the Slytherins, I once saved Black's face from being punched and Lupin's arm from being wrenched.

This would go on for a while if an angry shouting didn't interrupt the fighting.

"Stop it right _now_!" Sure enough, McGonagall was standing at the foot of the stairs, her lips forming a thin line and her sleeping hat crunched and messed up. Glancing at my watch briefly, I figured she was probably getting to sleep since it was already very late. "Will you explain what are you doing here at this late hour?!"

Everyone stood motionless, staring up at her.

"We were coming back from the library," Lestrange began hastily, "when they attacked us!"

"That's not true!" Pettigrew yelled.

"Enough!" Everyone turned their heads to the other direction where Slughorn stood. McGonagall meanwhile walked down from the stairs and both professors towered above us, looking anything but pleased.

"Horace, I believe you can handle your students," McGonagall said sternly, to which Slughorn nodded. He sure wasn't happy about the incident, but didn't seem too worried all the same.

"Naturally, Minerva. This way," he ordered the Slytherins, ushering them out of the corridor in the direction of the dungeons. Watching their backs until they disappeared behind a turn, I looked back at McGonagall involuntarily.

"Explain," she said in a dangerously low voice. Potter opened his mouth, but McGonagall didn't even wait for a response. "It's only the third week of the term and this is the third unfriendly encounter with students of the Slytherin house. In addition, after hours! I don't care about reasons. Firstly, you're not even supposed to be here! Secondly, I already gave you a sanction, Mr. Potter and Mr. Black. One more incident like this and detention for a month, fifty points from Gryffindor and banned Hogsmeade for the rest of the year. I am very sorry to tell you that you forced me to resort to this!"

With a look of horror, both Potter and Black began explaining feverishly, Lupin backing up their reasons, Pettigrew just staring at McGonagall with disbelief. None of it helped, though. I stood there, feeling slightly out of place, while Potter and Black kept begging she wouldn't ban them from Hogsmeade.

Clearing my throat, I grabbed McGonagall's attention and she, for the first time, raised her eyebrows in surprise at my presence.

"Ms. Weaving? What are _you_ doing here?"

"I, erm, all this is my fault, Professor." Not only McGonagall, but the Marauders as well gaped at me in amazement, unable to believe their own ears.

"How so?"

"You see, I was dared by the Slytherins to go outside and duel them. It was supposed to be secret, but here Po- James, Sirius, Peter and Remus found out. How, I don't know. They took after me, but I didn't know for a long time. I finally met up with the Slytherins and we argued. It issued into a fight, but it was my entire fault, really. I deserve detention, not them. They actually saved me. If they didn't come, I don't know what would've happened. I am really sorry I lured them out if they have a sanction, but I honestly didn't know."

Scrutinizing me with her sharp eyes behind the square spectacles, McGonagall's expression switched between disbelief and confusion. Smiling at her innocently, I doubted it would have any success. I at least tried.

"Why in Merlin's name did you let them make you come here?" McGonagall asked in shock, but I silently congratulated myself for coming up with something believable. She seemed convinced. "Didn't you know it was against the rules? Not to mention dangerous!"

"I did, and I've done a mistake. I'm so sorry. Just don't punish someone who only tried to help."

Taking in a deep breath, McGonagall scrutinized the five of us with her sharp eyes. "Very well. Black, Potter, I take that back," she said suddenly, as bright smiles appeared on Potter and Black's faces. "You're not banned from Hogsmeade and none of you has detention," she added to Lupin and Pettigrew. "About you, Ms. Weaving, I'm afraid I will have to punish you. I will take twenty points from Gryffindor and you'll be attending detention with me for the rest of the week. This better teach you. Now off to bed!"

Nodding briefly, we followed her out of the corridor in the direction of our common room in silence. Once reaching the seventh floor, McGonagall halted because her quarters were on the other side. "Good night," she said sharply, pointing her finger to the portrait of the Fat Lady that was not far from where we stood.

Not hesitating a second longer, we obeyed, hurrying to the portrait.

"Oh and by the way," she called after us and we all turned to look at her. "I award five points to four of you for helping out a friend in need." With that, McGonagall disappeared behind a corner. All four of them looked at me and then we all burst out laughing.

"That was great!" Lupin exclaimed merrily, fisting the air.

"We so won over those ugly Slytherins!" Pettigrew nodded feverishly.

Smiling at seeing them happily, I remained silent, still feeling a bit guilty for almost getting them banned from Hogsmeade.

"Really LeAnn, you acted it out perfectly!" James told me, clapping me on the shoulder affectionately. Feeling my heart halt, I looked at him oddly.

"Did you just call me LeAnn? What happened to Frizz?"

"Oh don't worry, I'll keep that nickname for special moments," he grinned. "And you should start calling us by our first names, too. Slytherins call me Potter, plus many other adjectives I'd rather not make specific, so that's Mr. James to you. Or even James would do."

A wave of happiness washed over me as I smiled a wide smile, staring up at _James_ in amazement.

"The same goes for me, actually," Lupin smiled.

"And me," added Pettigrew and then gave a quick glance to look at Black. So did I, because while the other three Marauders told me to call them by their first name, which was an improvement beyond my hopes, Black remained silent. Now all of us were looking at him and I felt a blush creeping over my cheeks, because he obviously didn't want me to call him by his first name. This upset me for some reason. Did he really dislike me so much?

But suddenly he cracked something between a smile and a mischievous smirk, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Yeah, I guess you can call me Sirius, um, LeAnn." While saying my name, he appeared a bit uneasy, as if the name got stuck in his throat, but what did it matter, I was amused beyond belief.

I wish I could've just nodded my head and looked careless, like I expected it all along, but I couldn't help myself. I was ready to jump into the air and sing from joy. It was all so pointless. They told me to call them by first names, big deal. To me, however, it meant a great deal. It felt like stepping over some line and it felt good.

"After all, you've covered for us, so thanks," Black said. I mean, Sirius said. I should get used to this. Black will be the hardest getting used to since I always…well, disliked him and called him an inky Black demon once.

"Yes, it was nice of you," Remus added.

Waving my hand, I shrugged my shoulders. "No problem. I got you into trouble anyway."

Smirking, all the Marauders exchanged looks.

"We'd get in trouble anyway," Potter said proudly, and I believed him. With or without me, they'd hex the Slytherins the way they deserved it if McGonagall didn't came stomping down there like a mad elephant.

"Still, you saved us the trouble of attempting to get away from detention," Peter grinned and turned to the portrait hole.

"Well, finally," the Fat Lady said with pursed lips. Crossing her arms at her chest, she glared at all of us. "Who do you think you are, anyway? Waking me up, then chatting here like you're paid for it, oblivious to me!"

"Just let us in," Peter said.

"The password, Wormtail," James elbowed Peter.

"Ancient teeth," muttered Peter, to which the Fat Lady screwed up her face, as if in agony, and surely if she weren't in a portrait, she'd kick him. "Oh no! Dang! It was something ancient, I know that. Ancient house, ancient Slughorn, ancient-"

"Gryffin's wing," Remus finished and the portrait swung open, and we climbed in, ignoring the Fat Lady's snide angry remarks. She was really in a bad mood lately.

The common room was not as crowded as it was when I was leaving. The light was dim and the fire was crackling pleasantly in the hearth. A couple of older students were scattered in soft armchairs and on sofas, reading, writing or playing a game of Exploding Snap. From the corner of my eye, I noticed James' eyes immediately dart to Lily sitting in a corner, scribbling at her essay, which I should be doing too at the moment.

"But we still have got to do something about your detention," I heard Black's voice and jumped slightly, startled.

"What about that?" I asked. "Forget it, I'll just live through it. It won't be my first time, not that I could even dream of beating your record, though."

"Well, still we'll try to do something about it," Remus said, winking at Black. Um, at Sirius.

We talked for a little while, laughing most of the time, reconciling our happy moments with Slytherins.

"I can't believe you actually punched him!" James laughed, a slight admiration in his eyes.

"Yes, a pretty good move. You'll have to teach me. They insult me, too," said Peter.

I was about to reply when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Turning around, Lily was standing there, her essay in her hand, an odd shadow over her face.

"LeAnn, can I have a word with you?" Lily asked, her eyebrows gone in her fringe, a dangerous spark in her eyes. Right away I knew she was not pleased with me, and I even knew why. It was quite obvious after all.

Saying a brief goodbye to the Marauders, I followed Lily upstairs. I think she stomped on the stairs a little too hard and once we were in our room and she shut the door, it nearly had the same echo as when I blasted the door closed after an argument with Black.

The dormitory was empty. I looked at Lily with an innocent expression on my face, hoping I could somehow avoid her angry outburst.

"What was that?" she asked, the tone of her voice louder than required.

"What was what?"

"Since when are you such good friends with them? It's strange that after you've hated them and bashed them, after all they've done to you, suddenly you're in the middle of their happy bunch!"

"They're not as bad as I thought they were. Besides, we're not friends. Odd circumstances got us together and none of us is exactly ecstatic about it, okay?"

"Yet you looked immensely pleased about being with them."

"Slytherins got what they deserved, so I was happy about that!"

Judging by the look that appeared on Lily's face, it was probably a wrong thing to say. "What? Didn't I tell you all these conflicts between those four and Slytherins make us all just more resentful? We should try to be united, especially in times like these!"

"They are Slytherins, they don't want to be friends with you. Take Snape for instance. Just how many times did you stand up for him? And how many of those times did he call you a mudblood and spat in your way?"

"That's because he already has an image of Gryffindors that has been created by that idiot Potter. The same thing happened to you. You're all so prejudiced and that's the biggest problem."

"How's that got to do anything that we're discussing now?" I tried to bring the subject back to the first session, because about the prejudice, Lily was right, as always. She was so smart, but not only in school, but life overall. She was much too mature for her age group and I many times felt like her young whiny sister. And that fact made me even angrier. "What do you care about who I hang out with anyway? You're so busy with Timothy gawking at you and your studies that you hardly notice me, so forgive me if I decide to spend my time with someone other than you."

Right after those words rolled out of my mouth, I regretted them. They were unfair to Lily, I knew it. But still I crossed my arms over my chest, glaring at her, giving her the impression I was dead serious.

She was hurt. I saw it mirrored in her emerald eyes. Furrowing her eyebrows, she eyed me questioningly.

"You know that's not how I meant it," she said after a moment, her voice now much calmer and lower.

I felt an urge to just drop to my knees and apologize for those mean words, but I couldn't. I was still angry.

"You don't know what it's like to be me, living in your shadow, being known as Lily's pathetic friend!"

"Is that my fault? I tried to make you get to know people, but you always say they wouldn't like you before you even talk to them. You say they're intimidating, but no one's really intimidating until you let them to be. Don't blame your unsocial life on me!"

"Fine! I will no longer 'blame' you for my unsocial life, Lily. Sorry for ever bothering you. And for your information, I talk to the Marauders and you know what? They're not as bad as I thought they were or as you always made them seem. Admit it, you're just as prejudiced against them as you keep accusing us of being. Good night!" I bellowed, turning on my heel and getting to my bed, drawing the curtains around my bed. They really were a genius invention, because it could give you a slight privacy, especially when you were shaking with anger and guilt all the same.


End file.
